Last night was somewhat of a test of my backing off theory.  I always call my husband on my way home from work and we chit chat about our day, what we are going to do for the evening, etc.  Almost immediately after he answered the phone he told me he just got off the phone with Mike's mom and that he had so much to tell me.  He started off by telling me that Mike had totalled his car.  (Which I read last week on Mike's girlfriends myspace that she had been in a car wreck and I told my husband he should call Mike to make sure it wasn't him she was in the car wreck with).  What ended up happening is it sleated (mixture of snow and ice) last Thursday.  School had been cancelled due to the slick roads (remember I didn't even go into work...so it was pretty bad out).  Mike had been begging his mom to go out and she told him no.  She also told him he had not been driving long enough to have the experience to be able to drive in this kind of weather.  Apparently he kept on for hours that she finally said "Whatever, Mike, do what you feel you need to do."  She was hoping that he would still not go but that was all the green light he needed.  He left and went to pick his girlfriend up and upon leaving her house he slid down the hill and ended up in a ditch.  His car was not worth all that much and he ended up bending the frame and breaking out the windshield that it was totalled.  Thank goodness no one was hurt!  I think this was an answered prayer from the good Lord above because like I had stated last week .... it has been brought to the attention of his parents that Mike is drinking, yet no one took his car away.  I have been praying......so thank Jesus, I am so glad the car is now out of the mix.  I do have to say we are ticked because this accident happened a week ago today yet we just found out about it last night.  However, IF my husband would have called and inquired after I told him about the info on Mike's girlfriends myspace we would have known much sooner.  (That is an example of I find this information out and no one wants to do anything with it!)  Anyway, Mike's mom also shared with my husband that she found additional bottles of alcohol in Mike's room.  And she found some notes that Mike's girlfriend had written to him that had some very strange stuff in them.  We have only met Mike's girlfriend a few times. She has always been real quiet when we were around her.  We actually liked her alot.  She was way better than the last one.  Mike also told us about how she is a real good christian girl.  (which now I think he was just blowing smoke about that...I think that was just to pull the wool over our eyes to what she really is.) Anyway,  she used to have her myspace page closed to where no one could read it.  Then about a month or so ago she opened it up.  After reading all the stuff on her myspace I told my husband that I think she has mental issues.  Which for starters she has a real messed up family life.  She has many poems written on her myspace that show she is incredibly insecure.  So Mike's mom tells my husband about the contents of these notes she found and told my husband that she thinks she has mental issues.  (Once again.....duh!  I have been saying that for a month now).  Then Mike's mom tells my husband about how one day Mike was over at his girlfriends house and was getting ready to go to the gym to work out and how the girlfriend told him if he left to go work out they were over.  Who does this chic think she is?  And why is Mike obeying her?  Then his mother also found a note that the girlfriend wrote about how the delivery room was going to be one day when she and Mike has kids.  This from a 16 year old!!!

So we have set up a meeting for Friday evening.  It will be me, my husband and Mike for sure.  We are also going to ask Mike's mom to be there too but we are not sure if she will agree to it or not.  I tried to get out of it and just have my husband, Mike's mom and Mike discuss the problems but my husband wants me there.  Lucky me!  My husband is going to tell Mike that he has to stop seeing his girlfriend immediately.  Besides doing things they shouldn't be Mike is so distracted from what he should be focused on by being focused on this girl.  We are going to get to the bottom of who is supplying him with alcohol and will have to seek that person out to make sure that stops.  We also have to get Mike focused on what he is doing once he graduates.  We (me, my husband and Mike's mom) all think it is best he goes into the military.  Mike wants to get a part time job and go to community college part time but we think that is only because he doesn't want to have to leave his girlfriend.  Which as I said we are going to make her go bye-bye.  There is so much more but I am not going to type it out.  I will let you know the results.

After all this happening I certainly thought it would make my husband be more focused on the younger two boys.  But that is not the case.  The younger two come over for dinner every Wednesday night. Wednesday nights are homework nights.  NO video games.  It is the one night a week we know the boys read and do their homework since their mother does not make sure those things get done.  Well, Brock wants to figure out how to get farther in his Zelda game so my husband gets on the PC and finds out some hints.  He then gets Brock's Nintendo DS out and lets him play it to try to get farther along in the game.  I didn't say a word.  I helped Hylari with her homework and cooked dinner.  My husband is going to be in the same boat with the younger boys because the primary focus is video games with them.  That is ALL they do at their mothers house and it is becoming a problem again at our house the weekends they are over.  After my husband took the boys home I did mention to him that he really needs to gain control and focus on what is important, which is certainly not video games.  He says he understands.  And I know he does but he doesn't put forth action to it.  I told him he is going to go down this same road with AJ and Brock that he is with Mike if he doesn't show authority and teach them what is important.  To which he said he was NOT going to go down this road with them that he is currently with Mike.  I do hope he really means it.  I understand that he doesn't get to see them but every other weekend but it doesn't make him a great dad to just let them play video games.  What would make him a great dad is to keep them focused, teach them to build character in themselves, to be successful, polite, responsible, and respectable, to name a few.  I hope that he sees the trying to be a "cool dad" didn't work with Mike.  Sooner or later you have to deal with it all.  So he has to decide if he wants to deal with it as it comes along and teach them or does he want to be cool and let it all snowball until he HAS to deal with serious, complicated, and illegal issues like he is now with Mike.

Gosh....aren't you glad I am done with my drama?

Just a quick update on Jaxon.  He continues to do well.  He is following commands like squeezing the doctors hand and waving good bye etc.  The doctors are still scheduled to take out the regular ventilator today.  He still is not going #1 like they would want him to but they are not overly concerned about it and will allow some more time for his kidneys to get back to working properly.  All in all they are happy with his progress. 

Now a quick update on the meeting with Mike.  My husband has talked to Mike's mom and she has invited us over to her home to discuss with Mike tomorrow night. I will let you know how it all goes.  Please pray.  I know it is not going to be pretty. 

Wow! There is quite a lot going on! I didn't know if you knew but I am 24. I can remember (quite clearly) my teenage years and I have to say that a parent who tells their child "you can't see so-and-so anymore" is headed for a really rough ride. Teens often take that as a personal challenge and then do some VERY stupid things to get around the new rules. Teens are all about "right now" and can't begin to see that they will meet other people and live totally different lives when they are adults. The military is a good idea but know that if he really doesn't want to do it.. he'll just get himself kicked out of basic training. Then he'll be right back to getting alcohol, wrecking cars, and sneaking around with girls. I am praying for you, your husband, Mike, and his mom. I think that you are being very brave and in showing him a solid support system he'll figure things out. Please keep us posted. Prayers continue for Jaxon and his family. Blessings and thanks -- Lacy

Sami- I agree with Lacy- I do think you guys may need to rethink telling Mike he can't see this girl anymore. It will make him be stuck to her like super glue. There is a play called The Fantastiks, and one of the songs in it is SO TRUE- it goes "if you want your children to do something, tell them NO"- the premise of the movie was that the 2 fathers wanted their children to get together- so they FORBADE them to see each other. So, of course, they got together!!!
I think some serious reverse psychology is really necessary in this situation- and you may need some professional intervention.
Oh, you poor thing- this is going to be hard, hard, hard!!!