Work has been crazy busy the past few days.  I really should be working instead of blogging but thought I deserved a little break. 

Jaxon is continuing to do better each day.  He has been taken off of the oscilating ventilator and they are looking at taking him off of the regular ventilator tomorrow.  Right now they are really watching him to make sure he does not get any infections.  His mom said he has been sitting up in his bed watching all of his favorite cartoons.  He has really come alot farther in a shorter amount of time with this transplant.  Please pray he continues to get better and better!

I had stated a few days ago that I wanted to blog about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. That is my reason for posting today.  I really need to get this off of my chest.  I welcome any comments or advise.  I have come to the conclusion that I need to take a step back in my efforts of parenting my stepchildren. I hope that does not sound awful.  Up until now I have been overly involved in my stepchildrens lives. I check grades online, check for missing assignments, converse with teachers, and check for upcoming tests/projects to make sure they get done. I also monitor Myspace pages, tv watching, websites visited,etc.  I do these things on a daily basis or when the kids are in my home.  I find things that need to be corrected or addressed and neither their mothers or my husband want to deal with it with their kids.  I am a stepmother....it really isn't my responsibility!!  This is the responsibility of their biological parents.  I get stressed out because their biological parents do not want to take the steps in order to guide them in the right direction.  I have watched as I have brought things to both my husband and Mike's mom attention and neither one has dealt with him.  I have seen Mike sink deeper and deeper into problems to where now he is doing things that are illegal and still neither one wants to say anything to him.  I don't get it.  And if I say anything to Mike...is he really going to listen?  I am just a stepparent!!!!  In the big picture.... I really don't matter.  Then we have told AJ countless times that he could not have a Myspace page.  So when I was out checking Mike's this past weekend I searched on AJ's name to see if he had one and of course he does....he just does not access it when he is at our house.  I told my husband about it and he pretty much shrugged it off.  We also tell them that they cannot watch programs like Family Guy or Adult Swim and every weekend they are over we catch them watching something we tell them they can't watch.  Of course in their mothers homes those are completely acceptable programs to watch.  I have higher standards to raise children by than my husband and the boys moms do.  I am sick and tired of trying to fight the system.  It stresses me out.  So I am going to find a way to continue to raise Hylari by the standards I have but I can no longer try to teach the boys my standards when their parents want something different for them.  I cannot say what they are doing for their kids is right or wrong.  They are just different choices than I choose for Hylari.  And Hylari is responsible, respectable (most of the time), has straight A's in school, and has good manners so I don't think I am doing that bad with her.  My husband has said to me on numerous occassions he wishes the boys could be more like Hylari.  I have always told him that he has to hold higher expectations, standards, and not let everything be an option to them and he would see results.  For example, AJ had a test last week.  We called him on Tuesday night and told him he needed to bring his study guide for the test with him on Wednesday night so that we could study with him.  Well of course on Wednesday night he did not have the study guide with him.   My husbands response was "He is only 12 years old so I can't expect him to remember to bring his study guide home".  Hylari is 12 too....and I DO EXPECT her to bring her study guide home and she does and she always gets A's on her tests because of the studying she puts in.  If Hylari didn't bring home a study guide I would have her spend the time she would have used to study researching the text content of what was going to be on the test.  My husbands answer to no study guide being brought home would be "yes, you can play a video game."  And their mother's response would be "You go to school?"   It is just super duper hard on me because I know the boys are going to mature into men one day that are going to need to be the providers and leaders of their families.  It is our responsibility now to start showing them how to achieve these things.  It is our responsibility to show them that while there is crap on TV it is better to watch programs with better content.  It is our responsibility to let them know when we catch them sneaking behind our backs doing exactly what we told them not to do. I could go on and on.  So I have decided that I am giving the parenting responsibility of the boys back to their biological parents.  I will still love them.  I will still care for them when they are in my home.  I will no longer check grades, find out about missing work, my space etc.,.  The biological parents need to step up to the plate.  They should expect more than they do.  And if their children are not succeeding they need to look at themselves to see why they are not.  I don't want to see the boys fail.  I want them to do well.  But I cannot do this alone.  Am I wrong for wanting to step out? The biological parents think that allowing them to play video games all the time is what is going to get them there.  I have not heard of one successful person state the reason they got to where they are is because they played video games throughout their childhood.  It is hard work to become successful.  I strongly believe that those that are taught to do hard work benefit from it.  I would really like some input!

 

  

Hi Sami, as much as I agree that those boys should be parented by their biological parents and you are right to want to step away and wash your hands of it, I don't think you'll be happy if you do. It's easy if you don't really care, but it's obvious that you do.

I can see why you are frustrated. I hope that you are able to distance yourself like you'd like, because you are right, there just isn't much you can do if your husband won't back you up.


It sounds like you are doing a great job trying and certainly with Hylari.